One of the greatest rewards of living in a residence hall is the living-learning experience. Learning about others' values, lifestyles, interests, habits, hobbies, moods, and needs can be one of the most valuable experiences gained in college. Most roommate experiences have the potential to be ideal but it takes work on both parts to keep a roommate relationship growing and positive. The two of you may be very similar or very different, and it may take some work to develop that relationship.

Living successfully with a roommate requires flexibility and the willingness to communicate in an honest, yet tactful manner. Consideration, communication, and compromise are key factors. It may be difficult to talk about differences when you and your roommate are first getting to know each other. To live together you will need to realize and resolve your personal differences early on in the relationship. The first step is to discuss the things each of you value, such as your background and lifestyles. Sharing some of your background information is an easy way to begin to get to know your roommate. It is a very wise idea for you to sit down with your roommate in the first few days to discuss the types of situations which can cause most roommate problems and come to an arrangement which is mutually acceptable. The following questions can serve as a device to get you both talking about getting along effectively.

• Do you like to go to bed early or late?
• Do you like to sleep in or get up with the sun?
• Do you require total darkness and quiet to go to sleep, or can the light be left on while your roommate studies? Do you take naps?
• Do you study best with radio or TV on or off?
• Are you a neat and tidy person, or do you tend to take a more "lived-in" approach to cleaning responsibilities?
• Do you like to have guests all the time, or do you prefer that your room be quiet for study more often than not?
• Do you like to lend your belongings? To your roommate only? Your car, clothes, money, stereo?
• What do you think is important in a roommate relationship?

Again, always strive to keep the lines of communication open between you and your roommate. Talk about your situation. If a problem persists even after discussion has taken place, your RA may be helpful in working out an acceptable solution. Remember, mutual respect, understanding, tolerance, and acceptance are ingredients of any healthy relationship!

Understanding Each Other
To get along well with your roommate, it is important to understand how he or she "feels" in certain situations. If you can share your feelings and reactions in some of the following situations, you will be ahead of the game in understanding and empathizing with each other during the ups and downs of college life. Be sure to take some time to talk over:

• The way you react when you're working under pressure...
• When you're depressed you act like...
• When you'd rather be alone, you...
• The way you react to most people when you meet them is...
• Something that will usually cheer you up when you're down is...
• You usually let people know that you're angry by...
• Some things that make you tense are...
• You become easily annoyed when...

Talking It Over
Communication is the key to successful residence hall living and interactions of all kinds. Always strive to keep communication channels open. Chances are that if something is bothering you, it is bothering your roommate, too. It's not easy to keep your feelings bottled up inside, and when you do, you may eventually blow up. Be honest but tactful when talking to your roommate. If you're finding it difficult to express your feelings, ask your RA for help, he or she can be a terrific sounding board.

Messy or Neat
One potential area of conflict between roommates is the question of personal cleanliness and tidiness. Decide on what is important to both of you and go from there. If your roommate is failing to do his or her part, don't wait around for change. Talk to your roommate. Don't demand or write notes of complaint. These things cause hard feelings and serve to increase problems rather than remedy them.

Friends and Guests
It is critical that you and your roommate come to some agreement concerning visitors. If you have a roommate who enjoys staying up late with friends when you need to study, you may be in a bind. Talk to your roommate and decide what time is best for visitation. Then work together to get things out in the open when they bother you. Otherwise it's the same old problem of small things building up and becoming bigger than they need to be. The bottom line is that each of you has your own right to privacy and to say "no" to guests. Your mutual understanding and cooperation is essential.